Stop Seeking Validation from Others: 5 Tips to People Pleasing Recovery

 

My case against seeking validation from others is quite simple, probably annoyingly so. To start your people-pleasing recovery journey, you have to learn to stop putting others on pedestals. This doesn't mean that you can't have role models or that you're unkind to others. It means that you accept that we are all perfectly imperfect human beings because no matter how accomplished and celebrated a person is, there is still something that bugs them.

There’s always going to be something they feel like they’re busting their ass to achieve, something that challenges and gets the best of them, or makes them feel afraid and unworthy—even if it’s just for a moment and they eventually overcome the obstacle, if a person is truly living and making an effort in life, they’re gonna tally up plenty of losses. 

And that’s it, that’s my case against seeking validation from others. At the end of the day, we’re all imperfect people with our own bullshit and weaknesses to deal with!

Looking back on my past before people-pleasing recovery, I know for sure that I sought stamps of approval from people who hated their lives and were mean toward me because having a young, naive people-pleasing punching bag made them feel better about their situations. Most people who feel unworthy and constantly seek external validation have a story like that. Do you? 

 

5 Tips for People-Pleasing Recovery

Are you stressing yourself now about a supervisor, cranky auntie, or friend of a friend whose good side you can’t seem to reach? Honey, stop seeking validaton from others! Their behavior is not about you, it’s them and they have to deal with their stuff and you, my love, have to deal with yours (we’ll get to that in a sec!)

Bullies are great at pretending to be powerful and authoritative and it is especially easy when you’re unsure of yourself and carrying unhealed trauma. You ever notice how these types of people just know who they can and can’t mess with? The energy we give off gives us away before we speak.

Let’s heal yours so that you are oozing confidence and attracting love and respect into your life throughout your people-pleasing recovery.

1. Pour Love and Kindness into Yourself: Remind Yourself that You're Powerful

Warrior III is my favorite yoga pose. In it, I feel like I've conquered the world. It makes me feel strong, self-assured, accomplished, beautiful, and deadly. Holding it puts a fire inside of me that makes me 100% sure that I can do anything I set my mind to while easily overcoming obstacles without breaking a sweat.

Journal Prompt: What is your metaphorical Warrior III? What makes you feel powerful and beautiful at once? Where are you most at peace? When do you feel unbreakable?

2. Appreciate the Mistakes You Makes as You Learn and Grow

Don't beat yourself up because you aren't growing rapidly or making changes overnight. You are exactly where you're supposed to be.

All of us, even the people you admire the most are still works in progress. We all have some growing to do. Don't rush your journey and don't freak yourself out trying to be perfect.

Appreciate your setbacks just as much as you appreciate your successes because there's a lesson, blessing, and meaning in all of it.

3. Forgive Yourself

This falls in line with the previous one, but it's important enough to stand on its own. When you're changing bad habits during people-pleasing recovery, you'll naturally begin to wonder how and why you did the things you did or tolerated all that you have. It's easy to fall into the self-blame game, causing yourself more heartache. Don't do that! Remember, self-love is the name of the game!

So, steal my affirmation for self-forgiveness below or create your own.

I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that there is something wrong with me or missing from me that's keeping me from success. The truth is, I am always enough.

There's an audio lesson, worksheet, and journal prompts included in my virtual course, Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs with Self-Love to help you go DEEP into forgiving yourself and others as you heal. You get the course for 20% off here!

 

 

 

4. Embrace Play and Adventure

Prioritize joy and self-care in your life! Write out the fun things you'd like to do, but haven't gotten around to, then DO THEM! If you don't have anyone to go with, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going alone. I've been in a great relationship for four years now and I looove my solo dates, find out what that means for you. This can also include creative projects, pampering at a spa, and anything else that's on your wish list.

5. Set Boundaries with Yourself and Others

Take ownership of your time and your energy. You don't have to earn your right to take up space or enjoy life. Once you really let this sink in, you will learn to say "No" more often and experience more peace. Yes, this will upset people and yes, doing this may scare you as well. These reactions are perfectly normal, but the truth is, your freedom and happiness live on the other side of that discomfort. So, be gentle with yourself through this process of taking full responsibility for your happiness. If you want more support, there are video lessons and transformational exercises in the virtual course, Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs with Self-Love as well.

 

You are always worthy, no matter what you've been through and what you've been told. Of course, there's room for improvement, that statement is true for every living person on this earth—no matter how accomplished they are. Be kind to yourself. Be loving and understanding. Seeking validation from others isn't what makes you special. Your true self, the uniqueness you have trouble expressing, the parts that you want to be accepted, those are your superpowers. Take ownership of your life and love yourself unapologetically. I'm rooting for you.