The Real Reason Your Niceness Is a Magnet for Toxicity (Hint: It’s Fear of Abandonment)

Life follows our lead, it falls in line because we attract based on our energy. What you put out always comes back. It may not always feel glaringly obvious—sometimes we have to do some digging. Like, have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep attracting toxic people when I’m so nice? Shouldn't my niceness attract nice people?"

No, babe. Let's go deeper.

Why are you so nice to begin with? Oh… you’re afraid of being disliked? Of being abandoned? Of being seen as too much or not enough? If that's the energy you're operating from, that's the reason you're attracting people who use, manipulate, and don't like you for who you truly are.

When you make peace with yourself, you won't worry about being liked so much because you'll operate from self-loving authenticity.

So, instead of relying on overly niceness that just sabotages and drains you, your inner monologue will sound more like, "I'm great and it's okay if they can't see it. I love and value myself." And when this is the energy you put behind your actions, you will stop oozing desperation and understand that you aren't for everyone, just the people who get you, your soul tribe. This is when you'll start to attract differently.

Bottom Line: Your fear of abandonment is making you a magnet for toxic people who thrive on your need to be accepted and I'm here to help you to break that cycle.

Signs Your Fear of Abandonment Is Running the Show

Fear of abandonment is the deep-seated worry that people will leave you, reject you, or stop loving you. It often stems from childhood experiences, such as inconsistent caregivers, emotional neglect, or past relationships where you felt unworthy or easily discarded. Over time, this fear seeps into adulthood, manifesting in patterns of over-giving, people-pleasing, and tolerating toxicity just to avoid being alone.

If you’re unsure whether this is your pattern, let’s do a quick gut check. Do you…

✅ Say yes when you really want to say no?
✅ Over-apologize, even when something isn’t your fault?
✅ Stay in draining friendships or relationships way past their expiration date?
✅ Feel guilty for setting boundaries?
✅ Worry that if you disappoint someone, they’ll leave you?

If you nodded along to any (or all) of these, your niceness isn’t kindness—it’s self-abandonment. And when you abandon yourself, you signal to the universe (and to toxic people) that you’re willing to be treated as an afterthought.

Why Your Niceness Attracts Toxic People

Here’s the truth: energy attracts energy. Not in a fluffy just-think-happy-thoughts way, but in a deep, subconscious, life-altering way.

If your kindness is fueled by a fear of being disliked, then you’re operating from scarcity and desperation. And toxic people love that energy. It makes you easy to manipulate, easy to guilt-trip, and easy to keep around even when they don’t truly respect or value you.

But when you make peace with yourself, when you truly accept that your worth isn’t up for debate, something magical happens. You stop over-explaining. You stop proving. You stop begging for love, friendship, or attention. You shift from “Will they like me?” to “Do I even like them?”

And guess what? Toxicity hates self-assuredness. It can’t thrive in a space where boundaries are firm, where “no” means no, and where validation is an inside job.

How to Overcome a Fear of Abandonment & Break the Cycle

So how do you go from being “too nice” to being authentically, unapologetically you? Here’s where we start:

1. Rewire Your Mindset

✨ New mantra: “I am whole, worthy, and lovable as I am. I do not have to prove my value.”

When you deeply believe this, you stop attracting people who need you to prove yourself to them.

2. Set Boundaries Like a Boss

✨ “No” is a complete sentence.
✨ “I don’t have the capacity for that” is a perfectly acceptable response.
✨ Not responding at all is also a boundary (yes, ghosting toxic people is self-care).

3. Stop Trying to Be for Everyone

✨ When you stop bending over backward to be likable, you start attracting the people who genuinely love and respect you. The right people will never require you to abandon yourself.

4. Journal Prompts for Deep Healing

• Where in my life am I afraid to disappoint people? Why?

• What would happen if I let go of the fear of being disliked?

• What boundaries do I need to set to protect my energy?

• How can I start validating myself instead of seeking external approval?

It’s Time to Heal for Good

Listen, you don’t have to keep living in this cycle of attracting toxicity because of your fear of abandonment. You can heal, set boundaries, and step into the unapologetic, self-loving version of yourself that no longer entertains toxic people.

And if you’re ready to go deeper, to untangle these patterns with compassionate guidance, zero fluff, and actual transformation, then it’s time to invest in The Bold Boundaries Blueprint: A Self-Discovery & Healing Experience for Women Who Give Too Much. This is your roadmap to breaking free from toxic cycles and finally stepping into your power.

You’ve given enough. Now it’s your time. Click here to begin your healing journey today.

You are powerful. You are worthy. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to own that.

Now go forth and take up space, unapologetically. ✨

P.S. I’d love to hear from you! Have you struggled with a fear of abandonment or attracting toxic people? Drop a comment below and let’s chat. 💬👇